SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

These past few weeks have been an interesting journey for me. But I feel like that it's been building up to this point in my life where things are finally making sense. I also feel like the path of my past has helped me understand my future a bit more clearer. And the reasons for the choices I have made give me a sense of knowing where I belong. Only oneself knows where they belong, not another person can do that. Another person can influence another's journey, but will never change that person's path. Now if one does influence another's journey, it should be only for the better and not to tear that person's individual path down. I will never tear down another person's way of living or steer them away from their own journey. That is just morally and ethically wrong and disrespectful. I have been taught and is imprinted in my mind 'Treat others as you want to be treated.' 

I should go back to beginning, where it began for me. When I left the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I sensed that I should not be there. Though, I did attempt to try to stay, but I felt it was not beneficial for me to keep going to church. I love the church and all of its teachings. But my mind, heart, and soul was not in sync. My mind was quavering about belief, my heart was struggling to understand, and my soul need to fly. Now when I left the church, it wasn't about history or facts pertaining to the church (because I never researched until after the fact for a little bit and a lot more in the present day). It was because I would see people going to church and not necessarily follow the teachings. I was a part of the going and not doing people. And I knew if it kept on that path I would not gain the knowledge I needed for myself. So I needed to decide if I wanted to stay in the church or leave it. I was one of those fence people wanting the best of both worlds. I was tired of the tug-o-war going through me, so I left. I knew by making a decision I would grow. There were repercussions from family and friends, mostly not understanding why I left. But did they really need to know why I left? No. It's my personal journey. And I do know that my journey may or may not affect theirs, but only for growth. 

In the first years upon leaving, people would ask me why I left. I would say "because it wasn't true". I realize now by saying that, it was a 'cop out' for me. Because 'truth' is a complicated word in itself. And that one word can have a big impact. Also during my time in being inactive, I was also faced with the idea of resigning from the church, like writing a letter. There were people close to me that did it, and they said it was easy and they were glad or happier now. But I just couldn't. I didn't know for sure, in the back of my mind, if it was where I still needed to be or not. And then hearing that the Presidency of the church count the inactive members with the active members was disheartening, but I realized that the leaders before them have done the same thing. It's tradition and it's hard to break. I understand that now. 

In the past few years I haven't really thought about religion. But in the last week or two a close friend of mine said something about the church leaders and I didn't catch myself casually agreeing without understanding the whole first. I realized later that I need to put myself in check. I'm usually the type that likes to know the information before actually giving my opinion. Then later that week, I had a dream. I dream a lot, and I remember most of my dreams and sometimes I don't. But this dream was a bit shocking because it was me asking about God. I don't recall ever asking in my dreams about that specifically. So while I was asking about God in my dreams, I was laying comfortably on a man that I knew I can trust. I thought it was odd because I have never had a dream like that, ever. At least to my memory. So I shook it off, that was until I got home from catching up with a really good friend of mine. The conversation he and I had is personal but to give an idea: we talked about life, relationships, and religion. Yes, we talked about religion, more like he did and I listened. I learned about him, and myself. What you need to know is that he and I have never really discussed religion in the years of knowing one another. We perhaps made assumptions of each other about it. But this night brought me new eyes about him and the things he said pertaining to the church. And when I got home and sat down on a chair, I realized that the dream earlier in the week I had was God telling me to wake up. I probably was in a 'dream state' for so long that He knew what I needed to hear and from who.

D&C 88:118 And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith. 

So now I wanted to know why I left the church for the reason I 'thought' I did: That the church isn't true. And in the past week, I have read many blogs, articles, stories, comments, opinions, views, perspectives, journeys, and so on. I learned the history of the church and the oppositions of The Book of Mormon, those didn't dissuade me. They were in fact enlightening because I have a clear mind. A clear mind meaning one that wants to learn. One that is open to interpretations of everything that is read and said in researching. And yes people have their perspective and interpretations, but that's all it is, their own. I didn't let that pressure me to think their way; I read it and see that theirs wasn't wrong; it just isn't my way of interpretation. I understand their view but I don't view it the same. 

So as I move ahead towards my new perspective and mentality of the LDS church, I look forward to a relief society activity coming up that will hopefully confirm my realization that God is always watching over me.

Side note: This is a great article to read

http://religionnews.com/2013/10/05/lds-leader-dieter-uchtdorf-addresses-leave-mormon-fold/

FAVORITE TIP

I have tons of earrings but I haven't been wearing them because I don't dress up too much for school. I'm there to learn, not find a date. It's been a while since my earring holes have had any contact with anything. So I decide to put some earrings on because I really haven't had any problem with them, no allergies. I slide a pair of earrings on and my ears get irritated after a half hour. I pull them out and try to rinse out my earrings holes with rubbing alcohol. But my earrings are still irritated. So I hope after a day of no earrings it goes down, but it took 3 days.

I didn't want my ears to get irritated again, so I googled on how to protect my ears from getting irritated. And I find out the coolest tip I have ever found. Going from non-sensitive ears to sensitive worried me that I might have to sell many of my earrings but with the tip I am able to keep them all. And it's super easy and affordable to do!

The tip I found online is applying clear nail polish to the tips of the earrings that slide into the ears. Let it dry for a bit and then you can put them in your earring holes. Your ears won't hurt from sensitivity and you can keep your earrings that you loved. Now anyone that has sensitive ears can wear ANY pair of earrings! Hope this tips helps you like it has for me.

SUMMER DOWNER

So my summer wasn't terribly exciting because in the middle of the season I fractured my left wrist. The important facts to know is that I am left-handed and I currently do not have health insurance. So upon this accident happening, I had to find a free clinic that would help me financially and medically. I researched and called making an appointment to a clinic that was about 25 miles away, I would have to drive using my right hand during construction. It was scary driving north because I only had use of my non-dominant right hand.

I arrived to my appointment and filled out paperwork using my left hand that was injured. I paid a fee to see the medical professional and she thought it was just sprained. I disagreed because this is the hand I use to write my signature, and I felt it necessary to get an x-ray to make sure it wasn’t fractured. I am given a voucher to get an x-ray and get 3 views taken. A few hours later she calls me and tells me my wrist is fractured. But since it’s the weekend I should go to the closest Instacare to get a splint put on.

I didn’t want to go but decided it was a good idea. I filled out more paperwork and eventually I got a splint on that I had to wear for at least 4 weeks. The first week of having my splint on was the worst because my right hand got sore. But after that it was just a part of me. After 4 weeks in the splint, I go to my follow up appointment and am given another x-ray voucher and 3 x-rays. A few days later the medical professional tells me that the radiologist says I am healed. I happily take my splint off and put a wrist brace. After 2 weeks I take the wrist brace off so my left hand and wrist can heal properly. I have to do several wrist exercises a day but my left hand is almost back to normal.   

JOB HUNTING

Applying to jobs is probably the most dreaded thing ever. I found an awesome site that has tons of jobs posted: Indeed.com. I would definitely recommend using this site because there a so many types of jobs all over The United States. Throughout the week I search for jobs and save them and then on the weekend I apply to the ones that I am qualified in filling. I've been doing this for 2 months and only get a few interviews is disappointing because I feel like I qualify for most of the jobs I applied for. Then not hear anything back from them which usually is several weeks later saying they have selected someone else. But I know one day I will find a job or two that will want me and it'll be a perfect fit.

My dream job would be editing, proofreading papers or texts that will go out into the real world. I went to school to hone my natural editing skills and I appreciate all the classes, people, and professors that have helped me grow. I would also love to dabble into the marketing industry because design has elements of editing that is necessary to be catching. And with a publishing industry I think there is both need to be successful. So once I land a job, my career will jet off and my skills will continually hone. I love learning and finding out things about myself of what I can do. Here's to my future!

GOT MY BACHELOR'S DEGREE

I finally graduated from UVU with a Bachelors in English: Creative Writing. This past semester I was contemplating on walking and I am SO glad I did! It's worth the prices of the cap, gown, stole, and tassel. It's worth the price of finding a cute grad outfit. It's worth the price of listening to the presenters. And it was worth walking and getting my diploma picture! But I am just glad that my mother, father, and brother were there to support me and my older siblings thinking about me that day.

My mother told me to push through the schooling and be glad that you graduated no matter how long it took. My dad now had 3 (technically 2) kids that have college degrees and my mother has 2 kids. I am so glad I can now say I have a Bachelors and it makes me feel proud of myself that I did it. I endured many classes, lots of hours of homework, and many lectures from professors.

And now when I apply to jobs I will have that Bachelors degree to add to it making me stand out a bit more. I have always wanted to do something in writing and being an English major was a great call. So hopefully I land that perfect job that all my classes prepared me for. I know I will be an excellent part of the team. Hopefully in the next few months I get a job but if it takes longer then so be it. I will appreciate having a job and know that I will love it. That's because I have most enjoyed the jobs I have had but I know I will love my new job. So here's to the future in hoping I get a job soon!