SPIRITUAL JOURNEY CONTINUES

Ever since I was a younger girl, I was taught that being in a religion is important. It also became my identity when I was older. When that happened, I knew something was wrong. I couldn't figure out if that was my fault for that default of thinking or that I wasn't experiencing enough beyond my religion. I think the religion I grew up in has its pros and cons, and I am thankful for being raised in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am just saddened to know and come to realize that over ten years of leaving the church and coming back again to gain spiritual growth that people go to church based for appearance and tradition.

I know when before I left that I went out of tradition. It was something I had done for years and leaving it seemed like a strange concept. However, I am glad and appreciate my time away from the LDS church and have gained so much knowledge of myself about with who I am and want to be. Everyone has their reasons for leaving, returning, and dispraising all or parts of religion. I had my reason for leaving and returning. I also had my reason for dispraising of the religion I grew up in. I already wrote in previous posts on my reason for leaving and returning, but I haven't spoken about my reasons for dispraising the LDS church.

I felt the spirit many times before I began going back to church. Once I began to go back to church, I could slowly feel the spirit there. It wasn't different than before I came back. It wasn't the same either. It was new but the same. I had grown and matured over the years to help me come to the realization that any experience I have, whether at church or elsewhere, can be spiritual to a degree in what we put into it and what we want from it. I felt the spirit stronger learning about the church and reading articles than I did going to church. I also feel the spirit strong while vocally and silently praying to God. I was feeling the spirit in a new but not different form. I know that I was prompted to go back to church to reconnect with those that I have always been close to in church and with family and friends. I believe God wanted me to see the LDS church in a new light than I had years before. He most definitely changed my perspective.

However, I went to church for about four months before I stopped going. I don't think God is mad at me for not going. He knows I am continually learning about myself. It was a combination of many things in my life. I do try to go to church, but sleep has always been more important to me that going to church for three hours. I love seeing my friends there and learning about myself spiritually. I just feel like it was put on hold in some aspect. Like I said earlier, life got in the way. Don't get me wrong, I didn't stop going because of lack of believing. I believe church function has good intentions of spiritual growth among each person, but I don't believe that religion should be anyone's top priority. It just feels like that the religion I knew is stuck in the past.

When I mean stuck in the past, I am saying that I feel that religion, especially the LDS church, is not progressive. Its Orthodox ways are holding back the spiritual growth of so many individuals who love the LDS church. I fall in that area. The LDS church is becoming such a big organization where word is word, and there is not to dispute that. However, words can be interpreted differently with every single person because of their growth spiritually and through experiences. This may be the English major coming out of me because of what I learned while in college. I just sense that what is said from script or mouth will always me misconstrued. This post may even be miscued to someone or many, and that is alright.

Now I am not saying religion is deceptive or manipulative. It is an individual decision to go to church or not, to believe words or not, and/or to grow spiritually or not. We have our choice (free agency). I do love many things about the LDS church. That is a surprising fact, which a good friend of mine can take credit of for opening my eyes months before me returning. This is why it's good to have friends. I believe he opened the door to my mind on religion and the free agency within it. I am not going to divulge into that, but I do know that experiences are a big step in spiritual and/or self growth. I never knew that months later I would be returning back to the LDS church for spiritual growth. It still amazes me to this day. It also saddens me that the person who was unintentionally the nudge of my return is not in my life as of this present day. I miss this person so much.

Anyway, I did not write this to sway you about anything but to open your eyes on my perspective of religion. It does not matter to me whether you believe my words to be true to you or not. They are true to me, the writer, author, and individual. I just want you to know that my reasons for going to church or not may or may not align with yours. That is fine with me. I just hope it is fine with you, my reader, whoever you may be. I write this to those who know me and those who don't.